Saturday, 17 January 2015

Heal:Outside Of The Hut



Hi everyone I wrote a story called Sister Invisible but recently I had the idea to make another story. Please let me know your opinion of If I should continue Sister Invisible or start posting chapters of Heal. 

This story is about war and what I THINK MIGHT end up being the future. Please don't read it if you are under 10

Chapter 1:

The world was dying. People were fighting for a huge variety of different things. Everyone who wasn't dead, were on their way to. Anyone who wasn't dying, would live in fear, and anyone who wasn't living in fear, were on their way to committing suicide. 

I sat bored in my hut, waiting (as usual) for the carers (the governments workers) to bring my family an apple each. Mother lay on a miniature knitted cloth, vomiting into a bag that was once used to carry snacks and clothes. Father, stood strongly at the door fighting the tears whilst my baby sister Karen, rolled in a red sleeping bag. My baby brother Huey laid at father's feet. Someone tapped the door lightly then said, " Carers, we care." 
"Come in" dad said in his deep, strict voice. 2 men dressed in clean tuxedo's came in, respectfully passing apples to 'the man who stood at the door', well, that was who he was to them. How much longer is this ridiculous war going to go on for? Am I going to spend the rest of my life in this hut, eating an apple a day and watching my family's heart's break?

"Dad, how come we have to sit here in this tiny hut, eating an apple a day making sure no one dies whilst there living in huge white houses protected by professional guard dogs, eating delicious banquets everyday?" I asked 2 minutes after the carers left. Father sat me down on my grass mat, and began explaining to me, but I didn't really understand, so kept saying "ok" to let him know that I'm listening. 

I shoved on my purple t-shirt and black jeans for school. For our own safety, children weren't allowed outside so in order to get to school we had to crawl into plastic tunnels filled with notes, rotten apples and more.

PLEASE COMMENT ON MY STORY AND TELL ME IF YOU THINK I SHOULD CARRY ON SISTER INVISIBLE OR MOVE ON TO THIS STORY. ALSO PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU LIKE IT AND GIVE ME FEEDBACK. 



10 comments:

  1. I love both stories but since I'm into dystopian novels I think I'd like more chapters of heal.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think you should continue this story as its profoundly gut renching. Intriguing read thus far...

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love this one more! I am very fond of dystopian stories and this one is amazing. Seriously, I NEED MOREEEE! Keep being fabulous!

    ~Noor
    http://wonderkid22.blogspot.com
    a little bit of sunshine

    ReplyDelete
  5. continue!

    http://only4feet9.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. We are all super excited about this story Rukiya, we can we expect chapter 2 :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow, that is really cool! you should definitely continue with that!

    Check out my new blog post!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi, nice post please visit my blog. pickingupthepiecesoflife.blogspot.com
    Also please post comments on it and follow me if you want to :)

    x Envy
    Picking up the Pieces

    ReplyDelete
  9. Awesome post ! I think I like Heal better but Sidter Invisible is good too. Also I have started watching Dance Moms and I think I like it. Please check out my blog at http://theadventureofmyawesomeslife.blogspot.com/ thanks !

    -Hannah

    ReplyDelete
  10. I kinda like sister invisible more.

    ReplyDelete