Sunday, 22 May 2016

Dear: Aunt Josephine From ASOUE

Hi guys! I'm back with another post about a book character from a series I'm reading called 'A Series Of Unfortunate Events'. So far I'm on the 3rd book, 'The Wide Window'.

ASOUE is basically about 3 lovely orphans who's parents died in a fire. Voilet is the oldest, Klaus in the middle, and sweet Sunny the youngest. Voilet is interested in inventions, Klaus is interested in books, and Sunny, being the little baby she is, is interested in chewing and biting things. Sunny is the one shouting things such as, 'Delmo!' and 'Twee!', as she can not yet speak proper english. 

The children have so far been on 3 adventures, as this is the 3rd series. A man is out to get their rich family fortune (Count Olaf) and will do anything he can to get it. For example, in the 1st series he wanted to MARRY Voilet to get it, see how nasty he is..

The children, of course were moved. But in the 2nd series Count Olaf came again, obviously disguised to not make it obvious. This time death was involved. 

Now in the 3rd series they're living with a woman called 'Aunt Josephine', Aunt Josephine is afraid of everything!

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*NOTE* I get this is a book, I just thought it would be funny to talk about some of the silly things she says!

"This is the radiator. Please don't ever touch it. You may find yourself very cold here in my home. I never turn on the radiator, because I am frightened that it might explode, so it often gets chilly in the evenings"

Okay I get that you have fears, but these are orphans who have been through a lot...Count Olaf, the death of their parents, the least she can do is keep them warm in their new home! If I was one of the orphans, I would of put it on  anyway. 

Aunt Josephine was giving them a tour of their new home and so far appeared to be afraid of everything in it, from the welcome mat-which, Aunt Josephine explained, could cause some-one to trip and break their neck-to the sofa in the living room, which she said could fall over at any time and crush them flat.

How about telling them to be careful when rubbing their shoes on the welcome mat? Huh? It's incredibly unlikely that they'd fall over and break their neck. So I guess she'd just prefer dirt all over her floor boards. Oh wait is she afraid of floor boards? Oh wait is she afraid of the floor? 

If a sofa falls, it's literally 99.9% likely that it won't crush them flat. As you can't just crush a human flat? What does she think they're some kind of human balloons that just..POP?

"This is the telephone. It should be used in emergencies, because there is a danger of electrocution."

Woman, just pick up the phone! *phone rings*

*shakes whilst staring at it*

"Um...What do I do?!"

Once again. I get how you have fears, but what if the orphans want to call someone? 

"Those cans? For burglars, naturally. You might be as frightened of burglars as I am. So every night, simply place these tin cans right by the door, so that when burglars come in, they'll trip over the cans and you'll wake up."

Woman, you live on a hill near a lake. What cases of robbery have set place near your home? Oh wait...None. 

" Oh good, "Voilet said, "There's nothing like hot soup on a chilly evening."

"Actually, it's not hot soup," Aunt Josephine said. "I never cook anything hot because I'm afraid of turning the stove on. It might burst into flames. I've made chilled cucumber soup for dinner."

Sory 1 sec..

Soryyy I jus vomited at th cucum..
B right bck..

Sorry about that guys. But the chilled...cucumber soup bit just makes me so friggin sick! 
If I was Violet, being the oldest, I'd leave the table and command my younger siblings to do so too. Then I'd...I'd. Well maybe I wouldn't leave, I'd turn the stove on and cook something without her permission. That can seriously make you sick, I mean you can't have cold soup on a cold evening. 

"Are you sure you won't let us cook for you? " Voilet asked, as Aunt Josephine reached into the barrel of limes, "When we lived with Count Olaf, we learned how to make puttanesca sauce. It was quite easy and perfectly safe."

Aunt Josephine shook her head, "It is my responsibility as your caretaker to cook for you, and I am eager to try this recipe for cold lime stew. Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!"

Exactly! It's your responsibility as their caretaker to cook for them, but you're not. On cold evening you're making cold soup. When summer comes her fears will be appreciated! 

That's it for today guys, I really hope you enjoyed my post, I know I did! P.S, I didn't actually vomit, it was just for entertaining XD. 



  1. This was a really entertaining post. She says some weird things huh?! XD

  2. Hey! Your posts are amazing! You have such an unusual talent of being able to humour someone whilst educating them! I love reading your posts, please keep them coming!

    Skye x

    1. I REMEMBER YOU! I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK. Thank you so much Skye!